Joey has a dream that Monica is his girlfriend; Monica tells him it just means he wants a relationship with the closeness that he sees between herself and Chandler. She suggests he try being friends with a woman before being intimate. After hitting on Rachel (unsuccessfully), Joey tries to make friends with new women; but they find his "friends first" approach so enticing that they want the intimacy immediately. Phoebe finds a police badge under a cushion at the coffee house. She plans to return it but has too much fun pretending to be a cop... until she pulls it on the actual owner of the badge. She drops the badge and runs away; he tracks her down and asks her on a date. Ross (accompanied by Rachel) buys a new couch, but can't get it up the stairs to his apartment.
Ross: Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out.
The Salesman: Really? You two?
Ross: Yeah! Rach?
Rachel: Come on, I don't really want to be doing this right now. I am carrying a very heavy couch.
Ross: Then tell him quickly.
Rachel: Fine! We went out.
Ross: Not only did we go out, we did it... 298 times!
Rachel: Ross! Oh my... argh! You kept count? You are such a loser!
Ross: A loser you did it with 298 times!
Phoebe: I'm in Vice. Yeah, in fact, I'm undercover right now. I'm a whore.
Cop: Who... who else is in vice up there?
Phoebe: Um, do you know, um Sipowicz?
Cop: Sipowicz? No, I don't think so.
Phoebe: Yeah, Sipowicz. Yeah, um, big guy, kind of bald.
Cop: No, I don't know him.
Phoebe: Don't try to call him or anything, 'cause he's not there. He's out. His, um... his partner just died.
Cop: Wow. Well, tell Sipowicz I'm real sorry for his loss.
Phoebe: I sure will. Take care.
Cop: Hey! By the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be all right. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good.
Rachel: Hey Ross! I brought reinforcements.
Ross: Oh great! What, you brought Joey?
Rachel: Well, I brought the next best thing.
Ross: Chandler?! You brought Chandler?! The next best thing would be Monica!
Chandler: You know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so...
Ross: Look, I-I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. Okay, Rach, that's you; that's the couch.
Rachel: Whoa, what's... what's that?
Ross: Oh, that's me.
Rachel: Wow! You certainly think a lot of yourself.
Ross: No! That's... that's my arm.
Chandler: Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.
Rachel: Hey! How's it going? Did you make any new friends?
Joey: Yeah, yeah, I met this woman.
Chandler: Hey, whoa, whoa! What's she like?
Joey: Uhh, well, she's... really good in bed.
Monica: Joey, I thought you were gonna try to be friends first!
Joey: Well look, hey, it's all your fault!
Rachel: What? Why?
Joey: Because you didn't give me advice! No, you gave me a pickup line! As soon as I told her I wanted to, you know, "build a foundation and be friends first," I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! And her roommate!
Monica: What about the closeness?
Joey: Closeness, shmoshness! There was three of us for crying out loud!
Gary: I'm looking for Phoebe Buffay!
Phoebe: Oh, God, it's him! It's that cop! God, I can't believe it! He found me!
Rachel: Oh my God, Phoebe, are you gonna go to jail?
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you with me. Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck, Chandler.
Ross: This couch is cut in half. I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half.
The Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?
Ross: Look, I'm a reasonable man. I will accept store credit.
The Saleswoman: I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars.
Ross: I will take it.