Phoebe's Navy man (Ryan) is in town for two weeks, but their plans are foiled because Phoebe has the chicken pox, and gives them to him as well. Monica tapes oven mits to their hands so they won't scratch. Monica is releaved that Richard thinks her neurotic behavior is endearing; but she's upset that he doesn't seem to have any compulsive obsessions himself. Chandler gets Joey a job at his office, and tells him to act like a processor. Joey takes it too far, and invents a character, "Joseph," who has a wife and kids, and who causes quite a bit of trouble for Chandler. Rachel is turned on by uniforms; Ross gets one.
Phoebe: No, he's my submarine guy. He resurfaces like every couple years and we have
the most amazing three days together. Only this time he's coming for two weeks. Two whole
weeks, which means yay!
Rachel: So wait, this guy goes down for like two years at a time?
[Chandler has a bite in his mouth and is frustrated that he can't make a joke about Rachel's comment.]
Monica: That'll teach you to lick my muffin.
Joey: Well, see, when you're acting you need to think about stuff like
that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and
Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Chandler: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
Joey: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid. You know what? Just did!
Richard: Okay. Uh... one of my things is I always separate my sweat socks from my dress socks.
Monica: What if they get mixed up?
Richard: Boy, I would just, uh... I would freak out.
Monica: You would not. I can't believe this. I hate this, you're too normal. I can't believe my boyfriend doesn't have a thing. My boyfriend doesn't have a thing!
Richard: See, if anyone overheard that, I didn't come off well.
Chandler: All right, so I can't fire Joseph. But, uh... I can sleep with his wife!
Chandler: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did.
Joey: Huh? What the hell are you doing to me, man?
Chandler: Oh, well, it's not me, it's my character, "Chandy." Yeah, the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler! In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer!
Chandler: No, Freakshow! She's fictional!
Ross: Oh, look! A low-budget puppet show.
Phoebe: It's such a shame you can't see which finger I'm holding up.
Ryan: Can you believe how we spent our two weeks together?
Phoebe: I know. We didn't do any of the romantic things I had planned, like having a picnic at Central Park, and... you know, coffee at Central Perk. Oh! I just got that!