Joey is still upset at Chandler about Kathy; he tries to get over it but can't, and decides to move out... until he and Chandler stumble upon a way for Chandler to make it up to him--spending most of Thanksgiving day in a box. Monica injures her eye but doesn't want to have to see Richard again; she arranges to see the on-call doctor, who turns out to be very cute... and Richard's son. The gang decides to do secret Santa for each other; Ross torments Rachel about always exchanging gifts, until she can't stand it and shows him all the stuff she saved from their relationship.
Ross: So, uh, how long are you going to punish him?
Joey: Five years.
Ross: You've sentenced him?
Joey: Hey, don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
Ross: You know what I'm gonna do as my first act as your best friend?
Ross: I'm gonna get you to talk to Chandler.
Joey: All right. But if you weren't my best friend...
Joey: Hey, Gunther, have you, uh... have you seen Chandler?
Gunther: I thought you were Chandler.
Chandler: If we still had that entertainment unit, I would get in there for six
hours and think about how I let you down.
Joey: We got a box...
Tim Burke: I remember the last time I saw you. It was the morning I left for college.
You were just standing outside the Dairy Queen.
Monica: Probably waiting for it to open.
Monica: Why is it sick?
Rachel: Because it's Richard's son. It's like inviting a greek tragedy over for dinner.
Monica: Come on, Phoebe, you understand, don't you?
Phoebe: Yeah, I can see were I'd be your best shot, but no.
Ross: Hey, you know, Mon, if things works out with you and Richard's son, you'll be able to tell your
kids that you slept with their grandfather.
Monica: Fine, judge all you want to, but... Married a lesbian; Left a man at the alter; Fell in love with a gay ice dancer; Threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire; Livin' in a box!
Ross: You actually exchanged it.
Rachel: Well, isn't it better that I exchanged it for something that I enjoy and I can get a lot of use out of?
Ross: What did you get?
Monica (to Tim): Okay, the towels are hanging next to the sink, and um... you can use the fancy soap.
Rachel: Fancy soap. I thought we were saving that for the Pope!
Monica: He's nice, right?
Phoebe: Yeah, but Monica, do you really want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "That's not how your dad used to do it."
[Knock knock knock knock knock]
Phoebe: Oh, I'll get it!
Chandler: Gotcha! Hahahaha!
Rachel: Ross, could you pass me the yams?
Ross: Sure. Oh, and Joey's got the mashed potatoes if you want to exchange them.
Chandler: You can't tell, but I'm trying to break the tension by mooning you guys!
Rachel: Don't say that I have no sentiment. This is a movie stub from our first date. This is an egg-shell from the
first time you made me breakfast in bed. This is from the museum... the first time we... were together. Okay, maybe I exchange
gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter.
Ross: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry. Though... you're not supposed to take these. It's like a million years old. We... we actually... we have people looking for that.