Rachel and Phoebe decide to keep their knowledge of Monica's pregnancy a secret. Joey tries to get out of filming, but can't. He only has one scene to do, but it drags on all day because the star is drunk. Ross and Phoebe find Chandler at his office and convince him to come back, one step at a time. Rachel stalls Monica, but is just about to reveal that Chandler is missing when Ross and Phoebe return with him. Joey still can't leave the set, so Rachel finds another minister, a Greek Orthodox Priest. Chandler is still a bit flighty, but then he overhears Phoebe mention Monica's pregnancy, and that brings him back to reality. Joey kidnaps the star so he can leave the set, and barely makes it to the ceremony in time. Chandler tells Monica he knows about the baby; but she tells him there is none. Unbeknown to everybody, Rachel is apparently the pregnant one.
Phoebe: Wait, do you know how you're going to stall her?
Rachel: I'll figure something out.
Phoebe: All right, good luck.
Monica: Okay, so I thought we'd start with my make up and then do my hair.
Rachel: Okay, uh, but before you do that, I... I need you to talk to me.
Monica: About what?
Rachel: Um... I'm never gonna getting married!
Monica: Yeah you will! The right guy is just around the corner! Okay, are we done with that?
Rachel: No Monica! I'm serious! Oh, maybe I should just forget about it, become a lesbian or something.
Monica: Any woman would be lucky to have ya.
Rachel: Well, maybe it would make me feel better if I slept with Joey.
Monica: Rachel! Are you okay?
Joey: Excuse me, Aaron? Hi. Um, I have a little problem with the schedule. See, originally, I wasn't supposed
to work today, and I have this wedding that I really have to be at. It's my best friends', and I'm officiating, so I
really can't work past four.
The Director: Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We can't stop filming just for you. It's not like it's your wedding.
Joey: I'm having surgery!
The Director: What?
Joey: Yeah, I... I just made up the stuff about the wedding because I didn't want you to worry about me. But I'm having surgery today.
The Director: What kind of surgery?
The Director: But you're supposed to work on Monday.
Joey: Hair transplant.
The Director: But you're not bald.
Joey: It's not on my head.
Ross: Ah, you know, maybe we're just approaching this all wrong. If you were Chandler and... and you wanted to hide,
where is the last place on Earth people would think you'd go?
Ross: So this is your office.
Chandler: How did you guys find me? I knew I should've hid at the gym!
Ross: Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Ross: Then you are neither of your parents!
Ross: Okay, you're right. It is huge. So why don't we take it just a little bit at a time? Okay?
Forget getting married for a sec. Just forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower?
Chandler: Well, yeah, but then...
Ross: Yeah, no but-but-but! We're just gonna go home and take a shower. Now that's not scary, right?
Chandler: It depends on what you mean by, "we."
Ross: Has anyone seen Chandler?
Mr. Geller: I thought he was with you.
Ross: He... he was with me. Um, we're playing a little game, you know? Hide-and-seek.
Mr. Geller: You can't ask us, son. That's cheating.
Ross: You're right, thanks for keeping me honest, Dad.
Mrs. Geller: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress.
Mrs. Bing: As I recall, when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.
Mr. Bing: But that was after the wedding, it's not bad luck then.
Mrs. Bing: Honey, it isn't good luck.
Ross: Huh, this is nice.
Ross: I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce.
Joey: Dearly beloved, I'm sorry I'm a little late. You may be confused by this now, but you won't be, Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, let's get started before the groom takes off again.
Joey: I've known Monica and Chandler for a long time, and I can not imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now, as I've left my notes in my dressing room. We shall proceed to the vows.